Cat Walking…For Dummy

For those of you who know me, I am not the most patient individual when it comes to waiting around or following directions for that matter.   I am that girl that is 30 minutes early to everything simply because she can’t wait around to get ready or leave the house.  You can imagine where this is going since the header for this post is Cat Walking…for Dummy.   Let’s just say, I am the dummy in this story.

If you couldn’t already tell by my mini zoo, I am a HUGE animal lover and advocate for our furry friends, but I’ve never pretended to be an animal whisperer.   Honestly, animals do love me but my training skills are null.    Needless to say, when I attempted to walk my tomboy cat Blade in order to satisfy his wild cat needs, it was a major FAIL.    Since I am eager to jump at everything 2 human feet and 4 furry legs in, I bought not one but three harnesses and leashes for all of my cats.    I really should have been sensible enough to try walking each cat individually prior to buying each of them their own pair…but that is neither here nor there at this point.    Nevertheless, my impatience got the best of me and when I attempted to walk my most easy-going cat (who also happened to be a stray the first six months of his life and an indoor/outdoor cat up until our move last month) it looked like a cross between a scene out of “The Exorcist” and “Friends.”
The walk seemed promising for the first few minutes.   I took him outside and he walked a few steps and then laid down.   I thought he was going to do just fine based on his body language but then suddenly he started running and went right into a bush.    I thought this was cute for about five minutes but when he wouldn’t come out I started to worry.   This is where it gets kind of funny… more so for you than for me.  After a few failed attempts at drawing him out of the bush, I decided to go through the bush myself.   Yes, you can picture me on all fours while getting caught in about a million branches.   This was a pretty big bush with a lot of sharp branches and lots and lots of bugs.   SHIVER.
As you can probably deduce, I made it out on the other side in one piece, but here is where the story becomes a little more “Exorcist” and a little less “Friends.”   Once I was safely on the same side as Blade, I picked him up despite his growls and placed him in a big open grassy area.  Ohhhh BTW it rained a lot today so it was veryyyy muddy to top everything off – who would have thought it rained more in NJ and PA than FL?!?!   Once Blade and I were well away from the dreaded bush, I though things would start looking up for us.   Call me dramatic, but little did I know that the high grass area nearby would be our demise.
Within a few seconds Blade decided to run into an area behind a giant fallen tree trunk with shrubs and tall grass.   I was at ease for a moment and began thinking he was enjoying himself, that was until he tried to haul it into the bushes and became possessed when I held him back.   I made a few failed attempts at picking him up where he started hissing and growling at the leash and me.  You should probably know that Blade has never hissed at me or any of my other animals so I knew something was wrong.   I managed to find the courage to pick him up but quickly dropped him when he began squirming in my arms and scratched me.     It was at this point that I started to seriously panic and pray that my roommate Breanna would come out to check on me.   When my prayers didn’t work fast enough I resorted to yelling her name, which I knew wouldn’t work anyway.
Just when I thought I would be outside all night, by the grace of God I found an area in the tree trunk where I could jam the leash while I ran back to the apartment to ask for Breanna’s help.    When I opened the door I looked at her and said “I need your help! Please bring me a towel, fast!”  I quickly ran back outside concerned that Blade would find a way to get loose.  Despite all the chaos, the poor baby looked so cute poking his big eyes and ears over the tree trunk.   I knew he wasn’t under duress because his body language and eyes were calm but I had to find a way to get him back inside ASAP.    Pretty soon thereafter, Breanna came running out with a kitchen towel LOL.    I realized that I must have scared her and given her the impression that someone was hurt because she ran outside through the mud barefoot!  Since I knew what I needed to get him inside safely, I had her hold Blade while I ran back in to grab a big towel I could wrap him in.     Luckily my plan worked without a hitch even though Blade managed to scratch Breanna with a rear paw right before we made it back inside.
After an eventful 15 minutes, I was pretty worried that my furry baby would be traumatized.  Truthfully, I think I am more upset about the entire episode than he is because after a few minutes inside with the harness and leash off, he was back to his old self, rubbing up on us and playing with his toys.   Phewwww  – that was a relief!   Being the emotional basket case that I can be, I was worried he would hate me forever.
I know I shouldn’t call it quits but I think it is safe to say though that I am done trying to walk my cats.  I will be happy to let them out when I buy a house and have a nice big outdoor enclosure built for them.  Yeah- I think that will suffice.  😉